imma bee, imma bee.. lol jk i'm a wasp.

not only has there been in a surge in stupid "like" pages of the sort (see title for reference, and if you don't get it.. head straight to the book of faces and make a profile) but i'm not feeling particularily crafty, clever or humourous.. it's been a long day.. and yes i am aware that it's only 4:20(L)
the worst bit was the fatiuge, the shaking.. the jumbled thoughts.. i hate it.
but, the dress is looking good. i'll post a photo sometime in the near future.

speaking of which...

green-eyes for the birds

but honestly, after all is said and done, i wish i could just leave this place. leave everything, leave everyone and just go. far, far away.. start over new, not start at all, sleep, die.. doesn't matter, i just want freedom.. from everything.

from every bind that anchors me here.



what's the fucking point..

wait another day..

i would imagine that if my heart were some elite club, you would be the only member of the v.i.p. you would have your own private seating, just for you. and it would be for you to do with what you will. as it is now.

though i know not how to tell you; your ears are deafened to my gentle words.. like a buoyant breeze to a wall of bricks.. albeit time has begun to erode the wall, breathing whiffs of that very breeze, that honeyed current into a garden so secret, so beautiful that i cannot help but smile at the thought. so i suppose i cannot complain. i will say this, i am unfit for this wait, i simply wish to crash into you and feel you and i intertwined.

pandas?!

so i saw this video approximately 5 minutes ago.. i thought it would be appropriate to post, it's fantastic.. and dodgy. i just loved it... plus the song is a good one.

enjoy!

p.s. i get how to embed things now, the screen is just far too big to fit! the link is 'enjoy!'.

mouthful of diamonds

i love, love, love the things you say to me.
i wish i could be as open with you.
but it's not that easy for me.

don't you dare think, for even a second, that i don't feel these lovely things for you..
or that i don't like the little things you do..
it would be so far from the truth.
i wish you would stop lying to yourself.
you are worth it..

two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead.

1. i dislike shoes. i mean, i am unconditionally in love with shoes.. but when it comes to situations where i can go without, i will take the opportunity.

2.i love the look of the sun shining through my window screen through my curtains.. the pattern is just so cool. it sort of reminds me of what you would get if you unfurled the rings of a tree, but didn't press them.

3. i have superb intuition, sometimes it makes me seem like a creeper.. but i'm learning to keep most of my epiphanies to myself.

4. i often listen to songs on repeat, oddly enough they're usually songs from the 90's.

5. i am so stubborn.

6. i wish i travelled a lot.

7. i also wish i could see the stars clearly at night.

8. also, i love the nights i cannot sleep and the light of the full moon peers through my curtains. those are my favorite nights to sit on the roof.

9. i am excited the weather is getting less shitty at night.

10. i wish i had a more exciting life.

11. sometimes i crave change.

12. sometimes i crave disorder.

13. sometimes i crave perfection.

14. oftenly i contradict myself.

15. i say oftenly quite often, though i have no idea if it truly is a word.. it should be.

16. i suppress my feelings.

17. i am overly honest and overly secretive.

18. people tend to think they know me, but usually have only seen 1/4 of me.. if that.

19. sometimes i don't even know what i'm doing.

20. i am weird, i embrace it.. you don't really have to tell me.

21. i don't quite fit in. it's not noticeable, but it is. i think it's just something i see because i can hear what goes on inside my skull..

22. i really love coffee, regardless of how bad it is for you.

23. i really like a few things that go on the list of things that are bad for you.. but i'm not specifying.

24. the first pet i had was a fish, and i loved it so much that when it died i balled my eyes out for a day. actually, i've been like that with all my pets.. animals and i always have a special bond.

25. the only leather i'll wear is the vintage leather.. well actually, i have to wear leather boots in the winter, my circulation is horrible.

26. i used to have amazing long luscious eyelashes, until i singed them off in a sketchy barbecuing accident.. but i was not as upset because my eye brows weren't damage at all.

27. i love my eyebrows.. more than most people. i also love when people complement them. it's just so lovely.

28. i have thing for dead flowers, i mean ofcourse i love live flowers.. but if the bouquet is nice i'll keep it around after it's died. i have one in my room and on in my bathroom. they're both of roses.

29. my favorite flowers are sunflowers, i prefer them over roses.

30. when i'm sad i can't sing.. not that my voice transforms, i just have no will.

31. i am moody, and extremely expressive....... if i am comfortable with you. i find it hard to express myself to people i don't trust.

32. i have blue and green christmas lights on my bed, i turn them on at night instead of my lamp.. i turn them off when i am sleepy.

33. i like when boys smell spicy.

34. i've never really liked pop.

35. sometimes i get overly hyper, almost hysteria.. i cannot sit still and i overheat.. people always think i'm on speed.

36. oh yeah, i have adhd.. it's pree bad, but it's not always as bad as it could be.. (see 35, lol)

37. sometimes i say lol outloud, but only if it isn't funny enough for my sketchy pre-laugh noise that sounds like i'm pretending to throw up.

38. did i mention, i'm strange.

39. i think a lot.. about a lot.. and nothing.. just stuff.

40. despite common belief, i keep a lot to myself. i'm just good at talking about nothing and making it seem legitimate.

41. i make faces without realizing it.. intense ones too apparently.

42. i love dancing, i don't know where i'd be without it. honestly.

43. i also don't get why i always get into trouble at school by WHATSHERFACE and there are girls walking around with their ass-checks flopping around in the breeze.. what the fuck is that?

44. i'm trying to cut back on swearing.

45. i bought a scratch ticket yesterday and won 5$ ! a profit of 4$ was made.

46. i rather enjoy orange creamsicles.

47. i secretly like when people dote on me.

48. i don't get why people try to be passive-aggressive with me.. most people i talk to cannot out do me. i'm a closer. i don't comprehend why they even try.. it's not like i care about your feelings if you're going to try and pick a fight with me or speak down to me. i'm not stupid. it takes wit to talk fluently about nonsense.. you twats.

49. i have insomnia.

50. in grade 5 due to a freak accident, an elbow to the face, i fractured my left orbit (bone around your eye).. after much of a hullabaloo i was taken via ambulance to sick kids hospital.. the following day they operated, the fracture was clean but during the whole shebang an optical muscle had gotten caught.. after the operation they had difficulty bringing me back to consciousness, it wasn't until a Santa came up to me that i started to come to.. he called me by my pet name, and gave me a teddy.. out of all the things i got while in the hospital, i still keep Roy with me. it's just one of those moments that makes you wonder about things.. about life.

P.S.

i want a boy who will call me
darling


not babe, baby, or anything
that is so condescending or cliche

no,

darling.

heart wrenching..

"did you know the pitch of whale's communication gets lower every year?"

"ohh no i didn't! why does this occur?"

"they don't know. its as if they're getting sadder and sadder."

"maybe they are, look what we're doing to their world. we take what we want and throw what we don't where it can be ignored. by us atleast. they never had a chance, and it wasn't even their fault."

"whales. . ."

no dawn, no day.. i'm always in this twilight; the shadow of your heart.

there is this lovely place i have been of late. not void of storms, though the brilliant sun does dissolve the clouds as swiftly as they intrude. this has been the first in so long, the first i can truthfully say that my heart isn't heavy with the lead of sorrow; some other element has taken it's place. this place, so full of thoughts, is my haven.. even tears are lighter, less a stop.. more a pause.
so lovely, so lovely.

OH, if only there were some constancy to this.. i fear.. i fear that i will turn around and when i return it will have left me, swept off.. swept back to wherest it came. regardless, negativity has never been a forte... the point that which makes me the fondest, the thing i admire the most about this feeling is the very fact that it steals past me and then steals me. i am never aware until i am so deeply in its arms. so deep, i have no choice but to surrender, albeit if i did i would not resist. a beautiful assimilation.

the withdrawal is always so violent, so disquieting.. so involuntary.. i know not what to do. so simply, i will look upon each situation as it occurs.

this monkey's gone to heaven.

sometimes, i find that i feel in a spectrum.. regulated highs and lows.. there is always a limit; after which i shut down. is it normal? does it make sense that there is a cap on my feelings..? if i even feel..

there are times, pivital moments where i am incapable. feelings are no inserted where otherwise labled. instead i am blank, not even numb do i feel. . .
though perhaps i am so accustomed to numbness that i do no longer acknowledge it..
that we are so we are us. conjoined twins, oblivious to the other's existance.


i know not. nor am i particularily upset. though i imagine this comes as no suprise.

when i was young i wanted to live in the clouds.

how curious.. Extraversion 56% Stability 36% Orderliness 10% Accommodation 70% Intellectual 70% Interdependence 50% Mystical 90% Materialism 40% Narcissism 50% Adventurousness 60% Work ethic 40% Conflictseeking 20% Need to dominate 60% Romantic 30% Avoidant 40% Anti-authority 60% Wealth 10% Dependency 60% Change averse 40% Cautiousness 30% Individuality 50% Sexuality 60% Peter pancomplex 70% Histrionic 60% Vanity 70% Artistic 90% Hedonism 90% Physicalfitness 70% Religious 60% Paranoia 40% Hypersensitivity 36% Indie 70%