oh, dear.. you are a fool.

i wish you wanted me as much as i want you. if you did you would see how simple it is. i'm sure we can do the distance. and postponing tomorrow only makes things harder on me. and you, i can't lie, i see it. i see it all in your eyes. the love you have for me in your heart.





i am forever lost in your oceans, captive to the shift of the currents.
i wish i could say i tire of you, but you're my nobody.. they don't even compare.

the water, the water didn't realize it's dangerous size

sometimes i long for the ability to express emotion with ease. i am so scared to share the true beauty and depth that i feel. so i push those who show interest away, they frighten me so. and yet this behaviour that contradicts everything i aim to achieve, is my default. often times i catch myself deep in this sea of my own creation but unable to reach the life craft of reason and i drown.. only to wake up and realize that it was a dream, that i can reach the raft.. but only if i try. and sometimes trying is harder than giving in, something i have learnt much about in the last few months. sometimes the labrynth holds more benefits than the road.. so i fight with the currents and swim up to the surface, sometimes moments to late and i am left tredding water; though i know i am strong enough to hold my ahead above water until another ship sails by.

i grow tired of the constant ill of these seas. one day i wish to dive in and swim at peace with the corals and currents. one day i will do just by me.

the water, the water came to realize it's a dangerous size..

imma bee, imma bee.. lol jk i'm a wasp.

not only has there been in a surge in stupid "like" pages of the sort (see title for reference, and if you don't get it.. head straight to the book of faces and make a profile) but i'm not feeling particularily crafty, clever or humourous.. it's been a long day.. and yes i am aware that it's only 4:20(L)
the worst bit was the fatiuge, the shaking.. the jumbled thoughts.. i hate it.
but, the dress is looking good. i'll post a photo sometime in the near future.

speaking of which...

green-eyes for the birds

but honestly, after all is said and done, i wish i could just leave this place. leave everything, leave everyone and just go. far, far away.. start over new, not start at all, sleep, die.. doesn't matter, i just want freedom.. from everything.

from every bind that anchors me here.



what's the fucking point..

wait another day..

i would imagine that if my heart were some elite club, you would be the only member of the v.i.p. you would have your own private seating, just for you. and it would be for you to do with what you will. as it is now.

though i know not how to tell you; your ears are deafened to my gentle words.. like a buoyant breeze to a wall of bricks.. albeit time has begun to erode the wall, breathing whiffs of that very breeze, that honeyed current into a garden so secret, so beautiful that i cannot help but smile at the thought. so i suppose i cannot complain. i will say this, i am unfit for this wait, i simply wish to crash into you and feel you and i intertwined.

pandas?!

so i saw this video approximately 5 minutes ago.. i thought it would be appropriate to post, it's fantastic.. and dodgy. i just loved it... plus the song is a good one.

enjoy!

p.s. i get how to embed things now, the screen is just far too big to fit! the link is 'enjoy!'.

mouthful of diamonds

i love, love, love the things you say to me.
i wish i could be as open with you.
but it's not that easy for me.

don't you dare think, for even a second, that i don't feel these lovely things for you..
or that i don't like the little things you do..
it would be so far from the truth.
i wish you would stop lying to yourself.
you are worth it..

two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead.

1. i dislike shoes. i mean, i am unconditionally in love with shoes.. but when it comes to situations where i can go without, i will take the opportunity.

2.i love the look of the sun shining through my window screen through my curtains.. the pattern is just so cool. it sort of reminds me of what you would get if you unfurled the rings of a tree, but didn't press them.

3. i have superb intuition, sometimes it makes me seem like a creeper.. but i'm learning to keep most of my epiphanies to myself.

4. i often listen to songs on repeat, oddly enough they're usually songs from the 90's.

5. i am so stubborn.

6. i wish i travelled a lot.

7. i also wish i could see the stars clearly at night.

8. also, i love the nights i cannot sleep and the light of the full moon peers through my curtains. those are my favorite nights to sit on the roof.

9. i am excited the weather is getting less shitty at night.

10. i wish i had a more exciting life.

11. sometimes i crave change.

12. sometimes i crave disorder.

13. sometimes i crave perfection.

14. oftenly i contradict myself.

15. i say oftenly quite often, though i have no idea if it truly is a word.. it should be.

16. i suppress my feelings.

17. i am overly honest and overly secretive.

18. people tend to think they know me, but usually have only seen 1/4 of me.. if that.

19. sometimes i don't even know what i'm doing.

20. i am weird, i embrace it.. you don't really have to tell me.

21. i don't quite fit in. it's not noticeable, but it is. i think it's just something i see because i can hear what goes on inside my skull..

22. i really love coffee, regardless of how bad it is for you.

23. i really like a few things that go on the list of things that are bad for you.. but i'm not specifying.

24. the first pet i had was a fish, and i loved it so much that when it died i balled my eyes out for a day. actually, i've been like that with all my pets.. animals and i always have a special bond.

25. the only leather i'll wear is the vintage leather.. well actually, i have to wear leather boots in the winter, my circulation is horrible.

26. i used to have amazing long luscious eyelashes, until i singed them off in a sketchy barbecuing accident.. but i was not as upset because my eye brows weren't damage at all.

27. i love my eyebrows.. more than most people. i also love when people complement them. it's just so lovely.

28. i have thing for dead flowers, i mean ofcourse i love live flowers.. but if the bouquet is nice i'll keep it around after it's died. i have one in my room and on in my bathroom. they're both of roses.

29. my favorite flowers are sunflowers, i prefer them over roses.

30. when i'm sad i can't sing.. not that my voice transforms, i just have no will.

31. i am moody, and extremely expressive....... if i am comfortable with you. i find it hard to express myself to people i don't trust.

32. i have blue and green christmas lights on my bed, i turn them on at night instead of my lamp.. i turn them off when i am sleepy.

33. i like when boys smell spicy.

34. i've never really liked pop.

35. sometimes i get overly hyper, almost hysteria.. i cannot sit still and i overheat.. people always think i'm on speed.

36. oh yeah, i have adhd.. it's pree bad, but it's not always as bad as it could be.. (see 35, lol)

37. sometimes i say lol outloud, but only if it isn't funny enough for my sketchy pre-laugh noise that sounds like i'm pretending to throw up.

38. did i mention, i'm strange.

39. i think a lot.. about a lot.. and nothing.. just stuff.

40. despite common belief, i keep a lot to myself. i'm just good at talking about nothing and making it seem legitimate.

41. i make faces without realizing it.. intense ones too apparently.

42. i love dancing, i don't know where i'd be without it. honestly.

43. i also don't get why i always get into trouble at school by WHATSHERFACE and there are girls walking around with their ass-checks flopping around in the breeze.. what the fuck is that?

44. i'm trying to cut back on swearing.

45. i bought a scratch ticket yesterday and won 5$ ! a profit of 4$ was made.

46. i rather enjoy orange creamsicles.

47. i secretly like when people dote on me.

48. i don't get why people try to be passive-aggressive with me.. most people i talk to cannot out do me. i'm a closer. i don't comprehend why they even try.. it's not like i care about your feelings if you're going to try and pick a fight with me or speak down to me. i'm not stupid. it takes wit to talk fluently about nonsense.. you twats.

49. i have insomnia.

50. in grade 5 due to a freak accident, an elbow to the face, i fractured my left orbit (bone around your eye).. after much of a hullabaloo i was taken via ambulance to sick kids hospital.. the following day they operated, the fracture was clean but during the whole shebang an optical muscle had gotten caught.. after the operation they had difficulty bringing me back to consciousness, it wasn't until a Santa came up to me that i started to come to.. he called me by my pet name, and gave me a teddy.. out of all the things i got while in the hospital, i still keep Roy with me. it's just one of those moments that makes you wonder about things.. about life.

P.S.

i want a boy who will call me
darling


not babe, baby, or anything
that is so condescending or cliche

no,

darling.

heart wrenching..

"did you know the pitch of whale's communication gets lower every year?"

"ohh no i didn't! why does this occur?"

"they don't know. its as if they're getting sadder and sadder."

"maybe they are, look what we're doing to their world. we take what we want and throw what we don't where it can be ignored. by us atleast. they never had a chance, and it wasn't even their fault."

"whales. . ."

no dawn, no day.. i'm always in this twilight; the shadow of your heart.

there is this lovely place i have been of late. not void of storms, though the brilliant sun does dissolve the clouds as swiftly as they intrude. this has been the first in so long, the first i can truthfully say that my heart isn't heavy with the lead of sorrow; some other element has taken it's place. this place, so full of thoughts, is my haven.. even tears are lighter, less a stop.. more a pause.
so lovely, so lovely.

OH, if only there were some constancy to this.. i fear.. i fear that i will turn around and when i return it will have left me, swept off.. swept back to wherest it came. regardless, negativity has never been a forte... the point that which makes me the fondest, the thing i admire the most about this feeling is the very fact that it steals past me and then steals me. i am never aware until i am so deeply in its arms. so deep, i have no choice but to surrender, albeit if i did i would not resist. a beautiful assimilation.

the withdrawal is always so violent, so disquieting.. so involuntary.. i know not what to do. so simply, i will look upon each situation as it occurs.

this monkey's gone to heaven.

sometimes, i find that i feel in a spectrum.. regulated highs and lows.. there is always a limit; after which i shut down. is it normal? does it make sense that there is a cap on my feelings..? if i even feel..

there are times, pivital moments where i am incapable. feelings are no inserted where otherwise labled. instead i am blank, not even numb do i feel. . .
though perhaps i am so accustomed to numbness that i do no longer acknowledge it..
that we are so we are us. conjoined twins, oblivious to the other's existance.


i know not. nor am i particularily upset. though i imagine this comes as no suprise.

when i was young i wanted to live in the clouds.

how curious.. Extraversion 56% Stability 36% Orderliness 10% Accommodation 70% Intellectual 70% Interdependence 50% Mystical 90% Materialism 40% Narcissism 50% Adventurousness 60% Work ethic 40% Conflictseeking 20% Need to dominate 60% Romantic 30% Avoidant 40% Anti-authority 60% Wealth 10% Dependency 60% Change averse 40% Cautiousness 30% Individuality 50% Sexuality 60% Peter pancomplex 70% Histrionic 60% Vanity 70% Artistic 90% Hedonism 90% Physicalfitness 70% Religious 60% Paranoia 40% Hypersensitivity 36% Indie 70%

PARDON YOU!?

i came across this the other day.
(no pun intended)
i believe it is a picture of note,
thus the reason for me posting it.

also, i did get a good chuckle and then immediately awkwarded(yeah, i make up words) out.
hopefulll your reaction mirrors mine.




xo.

maybe when i die, i'll get to be a car.. driving through the night, ; lighting up the dark..

those words are an excerpt from one my favorite songs: it's okay by Land Of Talk. AS we all know, though not all of us care (i.e. myself) the Juno's were yesterday.. (i know at this point, you're wondering if this will simply be another tangent, it won't i sware!).. the video for It's Okay is beautiful black and white story, of what i'm not to sure, i haven't seen it enough to be able to get past the ignorance of awe. but clearly i am not foolhardy because they were nominated for Video Of the Year.. UNFORTUNATELY that title was taken by Little Bit Red - Serena Ryder (directed by Marc Ricciardelli).. but i don't care about that.

so here's It's Okay directed by WeWereMonkeys, unfortunately i lack the skills to embed this video to my page; so go to youtube..


tell me whatcha think.

xo.

yo, i be ill.

it's funny how slang can change such a usually horrid phrase into something that, once you look past the putrid grammar, can be positive.. striven for in fact.

wellll, let me tell you, i did not set out to be sick nor am i in any way pleased about it. but here i am, day 2.5 home, miserable. well, i guess that implies i was home the whole time, this is simply not the case. today i went out with my mumma, got my passport and some other crap. hate to brag BUT, i'm positive that i am the owner of the least attractive passport photo taken in 2010. i'm kind of a big deal.

getting back to the topic on hand. my illness, yeah i am a big deal, seems to target primarily my sinuses.. i mean, i would go into detail but my mom was so 'enthusiastic' about it when i explained my situation to her that i think i'll pass. i always try to learn from the first time.

sitting home, toute seule, you would have thought it would have been an excellent opportunity for me to be productive and get a lot of shit out of the way.. but yesterday i simply existed. and today i slept and went out to see family and shiz. which was a nice change from sitting at home watery-eyed and suffocating on my own mucus. gross eh? imagine dealing with it.

but the point is, while roaming the internet looking for purpose i found this stuff.. view them!

p.s. i actually found more than that but it only let me upload 5 at a time, and that took far too long for me to be interested in uploading anymore for the time being.

wise words.

BAHAHA..

click here if you don't get this..
P.S.
forward it to 31 seconds, if you don't want to revisit 1999 for any longer than necessary.

self-explanitory.
;)

BAHAHAHAHHAHA!

price check

"can infatuation blossom after time or is it an immediate sensation, that passes as swiftly as it starts?"
"infatuation can be both fleeting and enduring"
"like a wave? where the tide recedes so low you forget it had been?"
"yeah"

Before i had had this conversation, i was under the impression that infatuation was more of a once born incident..

The return of the feeling has brought so many questions to my mind, resulting directly in another sleepless night.. perhaps my first non-homework related all nighter in months. Pardon, i digress.. love, infatuation.. infatuation, love.. But what if the feeling of infatuation is more befitting of the title 'love'.. what if this 'infatuation' is not simply a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction. If it surpasses these guidelines than is it love? or is there, perhaps, an in between stage? And if so, is that the liking stage, the i'm-falling-for-you stage?? Sometimes there is too much Greyscale, it becomes hard to tell risks from bad choices. Or genuine feelings from the imagined.. Will these always be the choices to be made with matters of the heart and head? A game of assumptions, choosing between charades or broken telephone? Or will there be that one person to effortlessly polish the smears and stains away, making the crystal clear.. the clear previously so passionately fought for..? Oh, i am plagued by my heart and my mind for they are too amicable, though neither knows much more than the other.. And i am left floating in a sea of my own bearing..

all i can hope is that it proves worthy..

"never leave the house without your make-up.. without your mascara and lipstick.."

my cousin told me that today. she wasn't saying that i need make up, but that as a girl you should always uphold a certain standard. she turns 3 in May.

officially this is my very first post. though, that might have been the most redundant statement i have made in my short lived life. speaking of which; i'm thalia, meaning i am 18 years old and a girl. that is all you need to know.. and if you know more than just that, congratulations.

i spend my days.. doing whatever it is my heart feels. i can't give a single definite daily activity that i willingly participate in(i.e. waking up at 6, going to school). well other than dance, but that is my addiction.. other than that you could find me in reading books, out with friends, walking, cooking, writing, exploring this abyss of knowledge, thinking, chatting.. who knows, i try not to wake and make plans because you can never control what the day will bring. i aim to fret only about the things i can affect...




okay,
that in my opinion,

is enough of a little blurb.
who knows what i'll have to say tomorrow..
if i'll even be on tomorrow.

xo.