sometimes i long for the ability to express emotion with ease. i am so scared to share the true beauty and depth that i feel. so i push those who show interest away, they frighten me so. and yet this behaviour that contradicts everything i aim to achieve, is my default. often times i catch myself deep in this sea of my own creation but unable to reach the life craft of reason and i drown.. only to wake up and realize that it was a dream, that i can reach the raft.. but only if i try. and sometimes trying is harder than giving in, something i have learnt much about in the last few months. sometimes the labrynth holds more benefits than the road.. so i fight with the currents and swim up to the surface, sometimes moments to late and i am left tredding water; though i know i am strong enough to hold my ahead above water until another ship sails by.
i grow tired of the constant ill of these seas. one day i wish to dive in and swim at peace with the corals and currents. one day i will do just by me.
the water, the water came to realize it's a dangerous size..
we all perceive things in different ways.. some more elaborate and contradictory than others. but when we find the right person to let out to, sometimes you find that in the very beginning your usual aspects of people in the same position of them are still the same. but slowly, they change, and it feels like the best feeling in the world.
ReplyDeletethat was such a good point. i try to welcome change no matter how shadowy it is.. sometimes shadows will mess with your mind, you see monsters and gouls in your own silhouette.. and that's what i find so hard, the unknown.
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